What’s My Part In It?

by: Anan Amos

After reading the article titled “What Happens to the Children”  by Dr. Hindie M. Klein that was printed in the Jewish Press ; I was somewhat stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand I was agreeing with what was being said; yet on the other hand I was disturbed that to a certain degree many experts in the Mental Health Sector are missing some very big points.

divorceLet me elaborate:

This article focused on the children of divorcing and divorced homes. I think what the article was missing, and a little misleading to a certain degree, is the fact that these children will be affected for the rest of their lives no matter what. Furthermore, children that are from homes that have both parents there, nor necessarily will be any more mentally healthy than those from these broken homes. I feel that this article is misleading because I felt after reading, that we now have a solution to these children’s emotional feelings in these unfortunate cases. This is very not true, and as I started saying, I know many children personally who are emotionally unstable and their parents stayed married to each other.

The only way to have children emotionally stable – is by being emotionally stable oneself. If that requires going on medication, so be it; if it requires intensive therapy or even if it requires joining a Twelve Step Addiction Program; whatever it may be, that is one way to assure a healthy child. If you are sick, those that are around you and those who are influenced by you, will be sick too! Mental Illness is highly contagious.

An individual that does these steps for getting better; firstly is highly courageous and praiseworthy; secondly, this person is taking a huge step in changing his/her entire personality. A person that takes these steps of recovery becomes a completely new person that is not recognized. This gives hope to the actual marriage in itself.

I have been blessed to be around people who have done insane things in their pasts. There were more than enough reasons to divorce and in fact – it would have only been the right thing. Against all odds, and with some incredible effort and hard work from both spouses in the marriage, as well as intensive personal, couples, and family counseling, including the use of medications for people in the family who needed it. The marriage and relationship were saved and is better than ever. The children are now growing up with a loving and caring parent body that is unified, understanding and respectful of one another. One side sees the huge effort being taken of the other side and they both appreciate each other for sticking it through. They also have a better self-confidence, since they feel that they have rectified something that seemingly was impossible to! That is an incredible feeling!

loving puzzleThis is what bothers me most by all these articles. They start talking about the high divorce rates and how it affects our society, however they miss the most crucial points which should encourage people to work on themselves to change and be different. Encourage people, that indeed, it is possible to change, and encourage them to work harder on their relationships. If one divorces this spouse, what do they think will be the case with the next? Will it be better?

Remember “The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side” and “The Definition of Insanity, is Doing the Same Mistake Over and Over Again, Expecting Different Results”.

If one cares about their children, truly, the only way to assure that they will grow up to being moral, ethical, and mentally healthy children; is simply by being one yourself! No matter what relationship you will be in, no matter whether or not you end up divorcing, it all boils down to one thing…. What is my part in it? How am I being a healthy role-model to my surroundings (not only my children). This to me is the epidemic of this generation! I personally think that more Mental Health Professionals should focus on these points.

Just my simple and humble opinion.