What’s My Part In It?

by: Anan Amos

After reading the article titled “What Happens to the Children”  by Dr. Hindie M. Klein that was printed in the Jewish Press ; I was somewhat stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand I was agreeing with what was being said; yet on the other hand I was disturbed that to a certain degree many experts in the Mental Health Sector are missing some very big points.

divorceLet me elaborate:

This article focused on the children of divorcing and divorced homes. I think what the article was missing, and a little misleading to a certain degree, is the fact that these children will be affected for the rest of their lives no matter what. Furthermore, children that are from homes that have both parents there, nor necessarily will be any more mentally healthy than those from these broken homes. I feel that this article is misleading because I felt after reading, that we now have a solution to these children’s emotional feelings in these unfortunate cases. This is very not true, and as I started saying, I know many children personally who are emotionally unstable and their parents stayed married to each other.

The only way to have children emotionally stable – is by being emotionally stable oneself. If that requires going on medication, so be it; if it requires intensive therapy or even if it requires joining a Twelve Step Addiction Program; whatever it may be, that is one way to assure a healthy child. If you are sick, those that are around you and those who are influenced by you, will be sick too! Mental Illness is highly contagious.

An individual that does these steps for getting better; firstly is highly courageous and praiseworthy; secondly, this person is taking a huge step in changing his/her entire personality. A person that takes these steps of recovery becomes a completely new person that is not recognized. This gives hope to the actual marriage in itself.

I have been blessed to be around people who have done insane things in their pasts. There were more than enough reasons to divorce and in fact – it would have only been the right thing. Against all odds, and with some incredible effort and hard work from both spouses in the marriage, as well as intensive personal, couples, and family counseling, including the use of medications for people in the family who needed it. The marriage and relationship were saved and is better than ever. The children are now growing up with a loving and caring parent body that is unified, understanding and respectful of one another. One side sees the huge effort being taken of the other side and they both appreciate each other for sticking it through. They also have a better self-confidence, since they feel that they have rectified something that seemingly was impossible to! That is an incredible feeling!

loving puzzleThis is what bothers me most by all these articles. They start talking about the high divorce rates and how it affects our society, however they miss the most crucial points which should encourage people to work on themselves to change and be different. Encourage people, that indeed, it is possible to change, and encourage them to work harder on their relationships. If one divorces this spouse, what do they think will be the case with the next? Will it be better?

Remember “The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side” and “The Definition of Insanity, is Doing the Same Mistake Over and Over Again, Expecting Different Results”.

If one cares about their children, truly, the only way to assure that they will grow up to being moral, ethical, and mentally healthy children; is simply by being one yourself! No matter what relationship you will be in, no matter whether or not you end up divorcing, it all boils down to one thing…. What is my part in it? How am I being a healthy role-model to my surroundings (not only my children). This to me is the epidemic of this generation! I personally think that more Mental Health Professionals should focus on these points.

Just my simple and humble opinion.

The Polished Pain of the Present

The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.Fritz Perls

By: Hazelden Meditation Series

marquiseYou are like a diamond that is continually being polished and perfected. As this purification proceeds, old thought forms and negative patterns rise to the surface to be released. Past unfinished business must be completed. Old traumas that have been stored in the body ask to be discharged.

This is not a bad thing – far from it. The fact that painful events are being re-experienced is a sign that healing is taking place. Although you may feel tempted to run from these feelings, let yourself experience them. As you allow yourself to feel the pain, the pain diminishes and eventually disappears.

Spirit is always helping you to release that which you no longer need. Let go of the resistance and surrender to the process. Complete the past and move on. Once you have done the work, you will never have to repeat it. How good it feels to be free!

 

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The Power of Time

Procrastination is the thief of time.Edward Young

By: Hazelden Meditation Series

iggi-stealtimeWhen we have a problem with putting things off, we seem to add to our troubles by mentally flogging ourselves. We know we are losing time. We criticize ourselves for our irrational behavior. Whether we are putting off an important task in our lives or letting many little undone jobs accumulate, we could benefit from stopping the self criticism and asking ourselves for the spiritual message in our actions. Perhaps we need some quiet time to do absolutely nothing. Maybe our perfectionism is paralyzing us. Is an “all or nothing” attitude telling us if we can’t do the whole job right away, there is no point in beginning? Unexpressed anger may be blocking us from doing what we need to do.

Whenever we find ourselves doing things that seem irrational we can ask, “What is the message from my Higher Power in this behavior?” This question will carry us much further toward spiritual growth than the mental criticism we are tempted to do.

Today, I will do what I can within the limits of one day, and I will stay in communication with my Higher Power.

 

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These Ears Are Meant For Listening

t’s better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.James Thurber

By: Hazelden Meditation Series

2965_Sweet-puppy-listening-to-music-with-headphonesSelf Growth is an inner journey, but it often means going outside ourselves. In the past, we often were deaf to the words of others. Now we are discovering that God gave us ears for a reason.

Listening to others may be new to us, but we have so much to gain. Others may have learned ways to solve problems we can’t figure out. We may think our lives are unique, only to discover others have had the same experiences. There is so much insight, wisdom, and love to share. Now that we’re stronger, we can admit we need help, and accept that help with a joyful heart.

Today let me have the courage to listen to those people whom I respect.

 

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Daily Affirmation #14

Stop Worrying

 

Life is too short to keep worrying – Our imagination was given to us for much better use… Have fun with it – remember to smile 🙂

 

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3 Easy Steps in the Process of Recovery

Aloneness and Quality Time

By: Hazelden Meditation Series

rest_crop380wThere are many ways to be good to ourselves. Here are just a few:

  1. At the beginning of each day, we can think about what we’d like to accomplish. This can be a routine household chore, a professional objective, or a living principle we’d like to work on.
  2. As our day unfolds, we can engage in an enjoyable diversion or work on a pet project. Often, these activities clear our minds and free us to think more calmly about matters which trouble us.
  3. In the evening, we may want to review the day’s events, and our reactions to them, with a friend. Or, we may simply want to sit quietly and allow our thoughts to wander as they will. Keeping a journal at these times is a helpful tool for self-discovery. By recording our reactions and thoughts as they arise, we often get a better perspective on ourselves as well as our experiences.

TODAY I will be good to myself. I will find something I enjoy doing, and I will do it. I will also take time to get to know myself – either by sharing with a trusted friend or by writing my thoughts in a journal.

 

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The Process of Recovery – Part II

Today I will do one thing more than I think I can do.

By: Hazelden Meditation Series

One_Small_Step_by_Watergirl403If I’m too tired or depressed to get out of bed, I will not only get up but also take a shower.

If I don’t have the energy to go to work, I will get dressed and drive to the parking lot of my job.

If I just can’t face the world, I will walk to the end of the street and back.

Yesterday we spoke about how it is good to take it easy – however, we need to remember not to get too lazy about it and take it for granted. We need to learn to grow and build… Just it doesn’t have to be all at once, it can be one small step at a time! This is today’s message.

I will reach a little further than whatever I believe my limitations to be. Usually, when I take that little extra step, it seems easier than I thought it would, and I feel better too.

 

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