I want to change things. I want to see things happen. I don’t want just to talk about them.—John Kenneth Galbraith
I feel as if I should be doing so much more than just staying in reading and listening to “self-growth” lectures. I feel that I’m not accomplishing much these days. I go to a coffee with a friend, I reach out and call another when I get home and then for some reason I feel so tired and out of energy afterward, that all I want to do is get into bed and have a nap. When I have a big block of time, I don’t know how to use it. I feel confused and discouraged. I feel like I am wasting time, perhaps I am doing something wrong?
This point in growing is a time to be especially gentle with ourselves. When we look back at how we were feeling and what we were doing just before we entered this recovery, we can see that there is a major change. To be free from our negative behavior, to keep a commitment to a program of growth and recovery – this is nothing short of a total revolution in our lives. We have made a commitment to live, not to punish ourselves for not doing it faster and more perfectly.
The calling, the going out and the napping is by no means at all a waste of time. It’s important to get to know ourselves and take care of our needs. We can learn from one another, support one another during a phone call or a coffee meeting. The changes we’re experiencing are mirrored back to us by others who are undergoing similar transformations. It gives us experience, too, at being with people without the “help” of our negative past behavior.
We don’t have to worry about wasting time in early growth. It is a miracle that we can simply be.
Today, I let myself be.
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