Letter to God

Dear God

Firstly let me start by thanking you for everything you do for me, for showing me some happiness in my day despite what I go through, the pains and the suffering. I can see that I am not that bad off.

  • BH I have a job, even though I hate it and it sucks, but it still pays the bills.
  • I still have my children who love me, even if I am challenged in seeing them and having any relationship with them; I think of them, it pains me to remember how “far” we are, but then I get such Nachat from how adorable they are.
  • I still have my friends who are out there support me and talking to me whenever I need them – I mean what more can they do? Nor do I expect anything else from them.
  • I have my issues with the divorce, but then I have a great lawyer and Rabbi who are helping me out with it.
  • I have all my debts, but thank you God, for giving me really good agents in the collection agencies that are working with me, and trying to sort things out.
  • I have a good Shadchan, who doesn’t judge me for my past and for my “situation” – you know real well God that I am not like all the “other divorcees” – which brings me to my next gratitude
  • Thank you for giving me the courage to taking the right steps, the energy and power to follow through the intensive therapy that I went through and that I constantly continue on taking. I sincerely appreciate the growth that I have gained from all that, making me that different person than the average one.
  • Most importantly – Thank you God for answering my prayers and what I was about to write to you in this letter, even before I managed to finish my gratitude list.

Since my initial intentions for this letter are no longer valid and nor are they an issue, I would like to transform and redirect my focus towards a very strong lesson I learned here today.

My decision to writing this letter today to you God was initially to voice my frustration at the challenges I face. I pray, I talk to you, and I do everything in my ability to please you, yet I feel like my prayers are falling on deaf ears and my actions are for naught.  I felt that the best way to voice out my frustration and my “anger” towards you, was by using the vehicle of communication which I know best; writing. But then how can I just start a letter voicing all my frustration when in fact I have so much that I am grateful for? I mean, yes, I do have lots of challenges that I face daily. Some seem so overwhelming that I cannot see that light at the end of the tunnel. But then I know, that I am still at the beginning of that tunnel, and by simply turning the bend; there’s the light I was looking for! So yes, I start with my gratitude. I am so grateful for all the blessings that I DO have in my life, and furthermore, even some of these challenges; I can actually see their blessings. That is amazing in its’ own respect.

Therefore, the lesson I learned today. Regardless of what I am going through and regardless of whether or not I think or doubt if God is out there listening to me. Rest assured, God is there, and God is looking and listening with wide open eyes and ears. But sometimes that is not enough. I need to take some kind of physical action. Sometimes I need to use the talents and tools provided to me to come to a physical and emotional realization that God is there. I need to take the time to write down (in my case, since writing is my tool) what is bothering me, what I am grateful for and what I am feeling. Sometimes we may come to realize that even before we have finished writing, God already answered us, such as what just happened in this letter.

Thank you God for teaching me yet another valuable lesson, and thank you for all the gifts, tools and talents you have gifted me in order to better serve and understand you.

Your humble son.

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