After reading the article “Brainstorm #4: Child Education” that a friend of mine Levik Dubov wrote. I felt compelled to write a response article to back it up and to give it a little more flavour. Therefore with the help of G-d and my humble understanding from the information that I have come across – I will share my findings.
Some people wonder why our world is so “messed-up” why so many people are acting the way they are? Why are people stealing, killing, raping etc.? What is the underlying motivation behind these actions and desires?
Then the world looks at addictions – drugs, alcohol, sex, technology etc. What got people hooked on to these behaviours in the first place?
As a recovering addict myself, I have come across some key information that has shed light and understanding in my life in particular and in the habits of the world in general. This has compelled me to start writing a book called “The ‘GLAM’ in Glamor” which will discuss some key underlines the world conducts itself, and some very interesting clues towards a successful life, including what defines success?
Let me introduce you to John, he has a drug substance abuse, as well as an anger management issue. He cannot hold down a single successful job, and his relationship is on the verge of divorce. John is $50,000 in debt, maxed out all of his credit cards and credit lines, exhausted all of his means of loans and has his home up for foreclosure. John’s life seems to be a total mess, despair starts to creep his mind and now he finds himself leaning off the edge of his 9th floor penthouse window about to commit suicide.
Lets pause for a moment and analyze this situation. What happened to John? Is he considered a normal person? What kind of life does he live? What got him to this point? And finally is there any hope of saving this person before he jumps and terminates his life?
I’ll give you a moment before you carry on reading…
<<One moment later>>
Let us work backward – Yes there is still hope for John. There is no such thing as despair. Despair is an illusion, it is fantasy and it is not real! It is a disproportionate delusion of reality that people create in their brains in order to escape from realizing reality and facing their denial. If John will be brought back to reality and made conscious that there is a way to still help him, I can almost guarantee you that he will climb off the ledge.
Now let’s see what got John to all his problems? Why is he so deeply in debt and how did he get himself into this whole mess?
The answer is obvious, he cannot hold down a decent job. In order for him to pay for his livelihood he needs to borrow money and to swipe his “plastic” everywhere he goes.
His relationship is going down the tubes; because of all the stress that is going on amongst other various types of abuse the poor wife is experiencing in one way or another.
John has all these issues of not being able to hold down the job and being abusive towards his wife, due to his addiction to the drug substance.
Here is where here is were people might stop their analysis (rhetorically speaking – correct me if I am wrong). They figure – “ah, due to his substance abuse, his life is in shambles”
But sadly this is not where the story ends. How did John develop this substance abuse? Why did he resort to drugs? What events in his life might have caused him to resort to this choice in life?
Lets take you back a couple of decades back. John was abused as a child, his parents got divorced when he was only 5 years old. John had a very hard time separating from his father. John’s step dad was an alcoholic and would hit him severely when John would misbehave. John’s mom would obviously back her new husband and tell John that if he would have behaved he would have saved himself from the beating he deserved. John subsequently had difficulty concentrating in school and consequently would get “picked” on by his teachers. It seemed that John was only in for trouble. John grew up miserable, hating school, hating his parents and hating life in general. He ended up dropping out from school and hanging out with “the wrong crowd” – this is where the addiction to substances was born. The remainder of the story we have already shared with you.
We see now – that if everything would have gone “well” for John, if John was able to feel secure and understood, it seems that John would have behaved better and would have never had the need to resort to drugs.
As true as that may sound, there is yet more.
Education! If John would have been educated properly about LIFE, and how it isn’t fair, and not everything in life goes according to our plans. If John would have been shown a proper example of these lessons, which would have saved him from his addiction and from his destructive path.
You see, in truth, John was never shown a true example, neither from his parents nor from his teachers, of what life truly meant. Nobody took the time to try to understand and listen to John as he was growing up. John therefore felt worthless, and non-existent. He needed something to bring him back down here and to feel that he in fact did exist.
When put into such a situation, children will resort to all sorts of “self-healing” techniques and try to unite with themselves in some form of way. This may result to the biting of their nails, biting their skin, masturbation, and in extreme cases self inflicted wounding or cutting. Many of these results depend on various underlining factors, such as genetics, and other psychological factors, including borderline mental disorders. (To get more details on what happens psychologically and physically in a human’s brain at this early development stage, you will have to wait patiently for the book referred above to come out).
It is therefore in my humble opinion, that educators should be made aware of these possible factors and the educators should possess tools and leadership abilities to address these possible issues. The educators should know how to catch on to weird behaviour practiced by the child and learn to identify the child’s needs. It is not for any reason that this child is misbehaving and is acting in this odd and non-realistic way. If he is acting as such, the educators job is to educate the child how to behave, if the educator sees that his attempt is failing, he now must try to probe deeper and try to see what is causing these behaviours. I believe that the educator will be quite astounded what he may find. The final advice to all educators, is to humble themselves and meditate and ask of their higher power, whom ever or what ever it may be, (G-d, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, etc.) to help them see and connect to each child on an individual level, and that may G-d grant them the wisdom and ability to affect this child’s life in a positive way.
I humbly pray to Hashem that the words written here, enter your hearts and cause a positive change to our corrupted education system, and may it be Hashem’s will that we can cure-all who need a speedy recovery from any addictions or afflictions they face in life. Let them realize the reality and drop their denial, let them humbly look up to the heaven for guidance and gain the simple trust, that all what Hashem does is for the best.